


Falter Once More

by AltUniverseWash



Series: Forever After [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Canon LGBTQ Female Character, Consent, Earth C (Homestuck), Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Existentialism, Exploring Relationships, Exploring Sexuality, F/F, Gen, Gender, Homestuck started when the Beta kids were 16, Implied Nudity, Implied Sexual Content, Isolation, Jaderezi, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, Loneliness, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Female Character, Personal Growth, Self-Doubt, Sexuality, Supportive Relationships, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, alt-epilogue, relationships, vrisrezi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23267782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltUniverseWash/pseuds/AltUniverseWash
Summary: In the collapsing void of Paradox Space, Terezi Pyrope searches for someone who refuses to be found.On the world of Earth-C, she feels increasingly alienated from everyone around her.Torn between two equally lonely possibilities and feeling out-of-place everywhere she goes, Terezi begins to discover what it means to be herself, how to live her life, and what it truly means to come home.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, June Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope/Jade Harley, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: Forever After [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664167
Comments: 57
Kudos: 43





	1. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And All Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after "Heir to the Listless" and ties into events from that story - I would strongly suggest reading that first if you haven't already.
> 
> Story is M-rated for some non-explicit consensual sexual content and non-explicit nudity in one of the later chapters. This will be CW'd beforehand.

Because time, this close to the event horizon, meant basically nothing. That was the sole explanation that Terezi could come up with for why she’d been out here for so long without dying of starvation. Unlike her god-tier friends, Terezi wasn’t blessed with the gift of conditional immortality – as far as she knew, her first trip beyond that dark veil would also be her last.

It was a disturbing thought sometimes… and sometimes a comforting one. To deny the expectations of everyone and just sink into darkness, never to be heard from again.

Unless those fuckers find me in a dream bubble somewhere.

Indeed. That was always a possibility. Maybe. The rules seemed to have been getting a little bit thin on the ground ever since the Green Sun was destroyed and the black hole formed. At least in this strange corner of Paradox Space, it seemed like everything was all folding up around the edges and turning in on itself. The fabric of reality was screaming.

Whether or not the dream bubbles were even going to be a thing anymore – that was something that Terezi wasn’t sure about. She’d found a few, at first – orphans from the war that had ripped into the very essence of reality itself. Ghosts who knew next to nothing about what was happening, let alone where the woman she was looking for might actually  _ be _ .

God fucking damn it, Vriska.

The aftermath of the conflict and its destruction had sent ripples through the universe like a boulder tossed into a pond – with the Green Sun gone and the ever-expanding reach of the black hole. If that was even the right term for it – to Terezi it felt more like a hole in causality itself. A place where the standard rules stopped applying and the entire framework of reality broke down and reformed itself an infinite number of times and time ceased to mean anything at all.

How long have I been gone this time?

Time was strange out here – it coiled around and around and became something else. She would sometimes get messages from her friends on pesterMessager. Who knew how that was even working, but it was. But the dates and times – they skipped around. Always in a forward direction, at least. That was something.

But Terezi was afraid. Afraid that she was going to lose the thread of her own linear existence at some point. Just spiral into something where she would come out at the other end and it was a thousand or a million years down the line – if she even came out at all.

It had been so long. Maybe a few months on Earth-C, but to Terezi it felt like years. Maybe even decades. Her body had ceased to age normally – she still felt like she was in her early twenties. Was this what it was like for all of the ones who’d reached god tier? To remain in a kind of physical limbo while the world marched around them?

Except Terezi’s world had ceased to march. Instead, it  _ slid _ – it slid ever closer to the event horizon. Ever closer to a point where everything would lose all coherence…

...and then what? Terezi didn’t know.

I miss her so much.

And why? Why did she miss Vriska? Because of what they’d shared together on the meteor? Because they were a couple of silly teenagers falling in love together? Because they went on some dates when they were trapped together with nothing much else to do?

Because we didn’t get a chance to go anywhere with it.

Not in that lifetime, anyway. Time circled and doubled-back on itself – universes were born and died. Alternate timelines split, broke apart, died, reformed, retconned. The rules, such as they were, didn’t even seem to apply anymore.

In her pocket, Terezi’s phone buzzed. She sighed – an unnecessary action since breathing seemed to be completely optional at this point and no one was around to hear her. She took out the phone, which never seemed to lose its charge no matter how long she stayed out here.

The sky-blue bubbles tasted… lonely. She wasn’t sure if that was what John was  _ saying _ or the result of her own feelings. Everything kind of bled together out here.

She wanted to talk to John, but at the same time she really didn’t. She didn’t really want to talk to anyone who tried to get in touch with her. John. Kanaya. Jade, sometimes. Actually, Jade more than she cared to admit.

But talking to them made her lonely. It made her miss… whatever Earth-C was. She couldn’t really call it  _ home _ because it didn’t feel like home. Nowhere did. If she was really being honest with herself, nowhere ever had.

Maybe that was why she’d latched onto those few years spent on the meteor. Onto the time she’d spent with Vriska. And yeah, maybe it wasn’t ideal… but it was a whole lot better than the time she’d spent on Alternia. Better than being killed over and over in different timelines she could, somehow, still  _ feel _ out there.

For those three years, the meteor had felt like home. Nowhere before and nowhere after.

So maybe I just want to go home again.

And  _ that _ was a loaded statement if she’d ever thought one. So many possible meanings. So many possible avenues for interpretation.

The phone buzzed again and Terezi cursed under her breath because she really didn’t want to do this in the middle of a bout of self-reflection.

Why didn’t June say anything when she texted before?

Terezi ran the tip of her tongue over the screen on the old message – it had been sent two weeks before Rose’s latest text. Time was weird out here. So June had… just come out. Except who knew what will have happened the next time Terezi blinked her eyes – it’d probably skip ahead another year and June and Roxy and Calliope would all be married or some nonsense like that.

So that was something she’d been out here missing. Just a critical turning point in her friend’s life. A moment when she finally realized who she was.

God damn it, Vriska! Where the FUCK are you?!

At this point it almost seemed like Vriska didn’t  _ want _ to be found. Of course, that was kind of a ridiculous thing to say… but…

No one knew where she was. None of the ghosts she’d spoken to knew anything. Of course, it was just them and the echoing (was that even the word for it in a place with no air?) cries of the HorrorTerrors as their very existence ceased to mean anything and they too fell into the event horizon and slipped beneath the waves of the void that crashed up against reality and bent it at the edges.

I need to go back.

It was maybe too late to make the party Rose was talking about. Which was too bad, because the idea of June in a dress was appealing – but there was no way to predict which way Paradox Space would go, time-wise.

She thought about texting June to let her know but… something about it felt like it was going to jinx the whole thing. That she’d pull out her phone and back on Earth-C it’d be another couple weeks or months and the whole thing would’ve passed. Then June would feel bad. Better that she not even worry about it.

If Terezi could make it back, it’d be a nice surprise.

Terezi started up the retrofitted CrockerCorp InterStellar DroneMaster 2500 frame that she’d strapped a crude harness to and plotted her course back to Earth-C. She knew the way by heart by now – could feel it calling out to her. Through the gate, away from Paradox Space, back towards…

...no, not home. Never  _ home _ .


	2. (Kanaya Maryam) Fussyfangs, At Your Service

“If you would only hold somewhat more still, this process would be considerably faster.”

June squirmed as Kanaya tried to pin up the hem of the dress.

“Do we really need to,” June asked. “I mean, it’s beautiful! Why does it need to be  _ shorter _ on the bottom like that?”

Because hold still is why!

“Because if I don’t hem the bottom of the dress, it will get frayed and dirty when you walk around. This is silk, June – it would be best for it not to be trailing all over the ground constantly.”

“Oh, okay,” June did her best to stand still and smiled gamely. “Sorry, I’m still new at this.”

Kanaya chuckled. “It is okay, June. Everyone has to start everything somewhere.”

“Do you think they’ll like it,” June asked. Kanaya could hear the combination of excitement and worry in her voice.

“I’m sure they will love it,” Kanaya said with a smile as she placed another set of pins, stood up, and stepped back to check the hemline of the dress. It was looking quite nice.

She is rather stunning, isn’t she?

Kanaya’s face flushed the smallest bit of green before she composed herself. She checked the dress carefully, then went to gather up her sewing supplies.

“Okay, dress off!” Kanaya called.

“Wha… oh, yeah, to do the hem. Duh!” June laughed as she carefully stepped out of the dress, leaving her in her underwear. Kanaya turned aside daintily, still blushing a little.

“Okay, I’m good!” When Kanaya turned back, June was once again wearing the t-shirt and jeans she’d worn into the party. Kanaya took the dress over to her sewing machine and sat down to work while June perched herself restlessly on a nearby stool.

“Hey, Kanaya?”

“Hmm?”

June hesitated. “This is gonna sound super random but… what do you think Terezi’s doing?”

Kanaya blinked. It was a bit random… but maybe less so than June tried to make it seem.

“I… am unsure, to be honest. I frequently send her messages, but she often does not respond. Or responds much later. I think that she may be experiencing time quite differently out in Paradox Space – there have been times where her responses seem to indicate she believes only moments have passed, while it has been hours or days for me.”

June seemed to think about this for a minute, remaining silent. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet.

“I’m not stupid – I know Rose probably sent her a message to tell her about this party.”

“I agree,” Kanaya said. “Although she did not specifically tell me this, I would imagine it to be the case. She has not mentioned it at all, which I take to mean that she has not heard back.”

“Oh.”

I can hear the disappointment from here. I am sorry, June – I wish I could be the bearer of better news.

“I mean,” June continued, “it’s not like I was expecting her to come back. I just wish she could’ve been here, you know. Honestly… I miss her a lot.”

Kanaya finished the hem on the dress and held it back from her face to examine it. Everything looked to be in order. She turned back to June.

“Okay, time to put this back on!”

Kanaya, with her back respectfully turned away, waited for June to change back into the dress. Once it was on and adjusted, Kanaya looked it over to make sure everything was in order. It sat beautifully on June’s body – because of course it did! Kanaya had been very exact in her measurements and tailoring to ensure that the dress was as flattering as possible. June had a fairly straight up-and-down frame, so the design had been intended to maximize what curves she had and work with her natural height.

“How do I look now?” June asked, her voice quivering a bit.

Beautiful.

“You look beautiful, June.”

June turned bright red and looked straight down at the floor. “Sorry… I’m not used to hearing that. You’re only the second person to say it.”

Kanaya  _ hmphed _ . “Assuredly not the last though!”

“Really…” June spoke, then paused. Waited. Took a breath. “I wish Terezi was here to see all this. I sent her a text a couple weeks before everything happened. It feels like so long ago now. I think she saw it but… she never responded.”

“I often find the same thing happens to me,” Kanaya said softly. “I would imagine she is both quite busy and… perhaps unable to spare the mental resources required to engage with us. I have known Terezi a long time…”

Kanaya let out a long sigh and took a seat on an armchair in the corner of the sewing room, propping her chin up with her elbows. “She is a very capable and resilient person, but she is also extremely stubborn when it comes to certain things. I fear that her quest to find Vriska has become one of those things.”

“I wish she’d stop being like that,” June said, swishing the bottom of her new dress back-and-forth absentmindedly. “I know Vriska is important to her… Vriska’s important to me too. But… I…” Kanaya heard June sniffle, stifling a cry.

Kanaya stood up and walked over to June, putting a hand on the woman’s shoulder and looking into her eyes. “You are worried that Vriska is dead. Or at least in a place where she might as well be dead from our perspective of things?”

June nodded, her eyes watering. “Yeah. I’d like to think that she found a cool dream bubble full of ghosts and she’s out there playing pirate or whatever but… I don’t really think I believe that. I think that she’s… probably dead.”

Kanya leaned in and hugged June, pulling her in close and wrapping her into a very maternal embrace.

“I am truly sorry, June. I wish that I could tell you more or give you better news, but unfortunately my resources are just as limited as yours are.”

June smiled sadly and shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Thanks, Kanaya. I’m just gonna try to enjoy my night. At least I know Terezi’s probably okay out there, even if she can’t make it.”

“That is a fair assessment,” Kanaya agreed. “Now let us get you out to greet the guests that have gathered in your honor!”


	3. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And I Was Alone

The universe apparently had a sense of humor. Also, the universe was apparently kind of a dick about it.

Terezi arrived before the party, landing in an isolated stand of trees a mile or so from the Maryam-LaLonde residence. However she arrived, if the date on her phone was correct, exactly one day  _ before _ she needed to be there. Terezi had no intention of announcing her presence to anyone other than June. So her plan, which seemed solid enough, was to wait the full day out in the woods, sleep by the DroneMaster, and then make the trip over to the house before the party the following evening.

As plans went, it wasn’t the worst or most unpleasant one that Terezi had been involved in. Not by a wide margin. There was nothing to it – just sit and wait for a few hours. Just sit there by herself. In the woods. Alone.

After two hours she was ready to run over to the house where Fussyfangs and her stupid, hot wife were living and beg…  _ calmly and politely ask _ them where the fuck June was and could she please go see June now!

Oh yeah, good look there Pyrope. Very not-desperate. This is definitely an extremely cool and normal attitude for you.

Because there was something different about this. Something fundamentally not the same as whiling away the hours out in Paradox Space and sitting here waiting to see June. Maybe because looking for Vriska gave the time in Paradox some kind of concrete meaning. Or maybe it was because “time” out there was anything  _ but _ concrete and marking its passing simply didn’t mean very much.

Whatever the reason, Terezi was metaphorically crawling up the walls. And literally pacing a shallow depression into the soft dirt near where she landed.

It wasn’t an unpleasant place to be. She could hear and smell and taste so many things. Paradox Space was, if anything, an extremely boring place to experience. While the occasional dream bubble provided a nice bouquet to break up the monotony, Earth-C was a veritable symphony to her senses.

All around her, the budding trees and newly-blooming flowers smelled delicious. She couldn’t quite taste the colors of the flowers from afar, but she knew if she got closer she definitely could. The air was fresh – clean – in a way that she wasn’t used to.

Why do I feel like I don’t even need to breathe it?

Strange thought – she pushed it aside and continued to focus on the sensations. Because that was how you kept yourself from running off and just finding June as soon as possible. Because that was how you played it cool.

I should message Jade or something.

It was definitely a thought. There was nothing to stop her from doing it – Jade wouldn’t know that she was back on Earth-C. For all Jade knew, she was messaging from the furthest reaches of Paradox Space and still out there searching for Vriska.

Except that she’d probably figure it out because Jade was a fucking genius. She’d notice the difference in response times or pick up on some subtle clue in what Terezi was saying and then she’d start asking awkward questions and Terezi would have to either lie to her friend in a way she really didn’t want to or come clean that she wasn’t out in space anymore. And then Jade would want to see her and that would become a whole thing.

Not that I’d mind seeing Jade, necessarily.

But it wasn’t the right time for it. It just didn’t  _ feel _ right. She wouldn’t even be back here but for the chance to talk to June.

Terezi decided to sit down on a nearby stand of green grass that she smelled and just  _ wait _ . She sat down. And she waited.

* * *

Terezi wasn’t the best at waiting that day. She’d eventually laid down and fallen asleep, then gotten up in the middle of the night and made her way towards the house by the lake to wait out the rest of the time a bit closer by.

Guided by her various enhanced senses, the night might as well have been the day. It made no major difference whether there was light. Certainly it made perceiving color harder – something she’d never been able to fully explain to anyone else – but the overall impression was of a muted world, not an invisible one.

Everything smelled so nice down by the lake – the mixture of the aroma of the trees and flowers mingling in with the damp, slightly rusty smell of the water to create a complex pattern that Terezi wished she could stay to enjoy. The moonlight bathing everything gave it a cool, clean taste over the top of everything else and Terezi imagined that, were she still able to see, it would’ve looked beautiful in a calm, almost haunting way.

Terezi picked a spot in the bushes near the house to wait. The house had a balcony overlooking the lake, and Terezi knew June well enough to know that once she got overwhelmed with the party she was going to step out for some air. And that would give Terezi a chance to talk to her alone.

Alone.

Once she was settled in the bushes, Terezi sat down and waited for dawn to break, day to follow, and night to settle in once again.

* * *

Even from as far away from the house as she was, Terezi had been able to hear a surprising amount of the party. She couldn’t quite make out the way that June’s new dress smelled, but she could definitely hear everyone’s awestruck reactions to it, so it must’ve been pretty good.

After a while, right on cue, June got a bit overwhelmed and stepped out onto the balcony for some air. So Terezi went to make her move and talk to her friend…

Oh shit she’s gorgeous.

The dress did, in fact, smell delicious. Fussyfangs Kanaya had used some kind of blue fabric that smelled soft and rich and seemed like it’d feel wonderful to the touch. June herself smelled… confident in a way that Terezi had never remembered in the past.

Before the moment passed, Terezi made the decision – she was going to speak to June. She stepped forward, out of the shadows, and onto the balcony.

“June…” she said. There wasn’t anything else she felt like she could get out.

She heard June turn and hitch her breath, as if she wanted to yell out but thought better of it. The soft sound of the woman’s footsteps coming over and then… Terezi felt herself scooped into a pleasantly warm embrace as June leaned over and wrapped her arms around Terezi’s shoulders.

“Oh god I missed you!” June said, and Terezi could hear the emotion in her voice – the overwhelming sincerity. Terezi sniffled, trying desperately to keep from opening up and bawling like a little grub.

“I… missed you too, June,” she said, leaning into the hug. Savoring the hug. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed physical contact.

“Uh… you know what happened with me, obviously.” June sounded a bit nervous. Was she worried that Terezi wouldn’t accept her for who she was? Worried that she wouldn’t meet some undefined Terezi standards for approval?

I missed her so much.   
  
Tell her about everything. Tell her about the loneliness. Tell her about the constant, fruitless searching. Tell her about the frustration and the longing to just be able to find a place to call home and stay there. To be able to find the person you love and then… just live. Tell her!

* * *

Terezi was alone again, standing in the darkness of the woods, surrounded by the pleasant scents of the trees and filled with regret that she didn’t say  _ more _ to June. Didn’t spend more time with her.

Why didn’t I just agree to stay here?

The echo of her own words in her mind –  _ And I realized that I’m out there chasing the memory or the ghost of someone who either can’t be or doesn’t want to be found… and back here my friends are missing me and wondering why the fuck I’m bothering. _

Why did she bother?! Why did she continue to push herself further and further away in a desperate search for Vriska… when… she was pretty sure that Vriska…

Vriska was probably dead.

Terezi hung her head and groaned to herself. Because that was something she didn’t want to accept. Because she’d tied so much of herself into this now. Because she’d poured her heart and soul into this quest and to come back empty-handed… to admit failure and defeat and simply let that righteous fire inside of her fade away. To simply come back and  _ live a normal life? _

It didn’t feel  _ right _ . It didn’t even feel  _ possible. _

Jade would call it something fancy like the “sunk cost fallacy” and be all smart about it.

Terezi decided that she needed to go before she did something stupid like walk back to that house and drop right into the middle of the party. She didn’t want to deal with that right now – plus it would take away from June’s big debut and she really didn’t want to do that to her friend. June had felt so… happy. Terezi was happy for her.

Trying to hold onto that emotional note for as long as she could, Terezi strapped herself back into the DroneMaster and set herself back on the course that would lead her to the infinite, lonely expanse of Paradox Space.


	4. (Jade Harley) Disjointed Conversations in Time

Okay… let’s try this again… from the beginning, preferably. It’ll make more sense that way.

Okay… this is… different...

Kind of feels like… stretching my arms here. Stretching my… mind…

Was it in this timeline or a different one?! Why is this so hard to sort through?! Why do I keep getting that part mixed up?!

No, I don’t miss her like THAT! What in the world… why am I seeing that? It can’t be from this timeline – I’ve never… oh god… what is WRONG with me?!

Oh wow, Jade – desperate, much? That eager to prove that you’re not BROKEN, right? That eager to just…   
  
No, that’s stupid. It doesn’t mean that.

Oh god she’s insufferable! Hitting on her! As if…    
  
Sure it’s not worth a try, Jade? This isn’t the first time she’s acted like she’s into you. Maybe… you know… give it a shot. The old college try… god that sounds like a Jake thing to say.

How am I seeing both sides of this, anyway? That’s what’s happening, right?   
  
Hello?   
  
Why do I feel like there’s someone watching me? Like someone’s going to answer if I…   
  
Hello?   
  
Damn it. Nothing.

God it hurts my head to keep track of this… trying to line everything up. I’m not even sure HOW this is even working.   
  
Is it working?   
  
Am I…   


  
  
Losing   
  


  
The   


  
  
Thread?

  
  
Why doesn’t that feel like my own thought?

I… I think I’m caught up. Oh Jesus this hurts so much. Why is this so hard to keep straight?! It keeps feeling like something’s going to bleed through and that’s gonna hurt even more. ****  
  
Oh… forget this… I’m going back to bed now…


	5. (June Egbert) I Saw A Falling Star Today

June had been herself for eight months now, and that was feeling pretty goddamn good. Every day she was out exploring Earth-C’s vast landscape – more often running and flying than choosing to zap from place to place. Because there was so  _ much _ out there and June didn’t want to miss any of it.

Roxy didn’t always come along – the great outdoors wasn’t as much of her thing – but she was there today. On the days when she chose to accompany June, Roxy always went along with her girlfriend’s seemingly unending excitement with a sense of good-humored acceptance. June knew that Roxy was doing this out of a desire to spend time with her specifically… and it was something she appreciated more than words could easily express. Having spent so much time feeling isolated and alone, even when they were in the same room together, June loved being able to share something so simple with the woman she loved.

And so, on a warm Tuesday afternoon in October, June and Roxy set up a checkered wool blanket on an isolated hillside overlooking a series of rolling hills covered in grassy meadows. Once the blanket had been properly positioned and smoothed, they sat down together.

June was in Roxy’s lap – that was pretty typical at this point. Despite June being a little bit taller than Roxy, the woman had a way of shrinking down into her girlfriend. They’d never talked about why, specifically, because it didn’t really matter.

I feel safe like this. I feel like I’m… home.

June lay back, her head settled up against Roxy’s stomach, and closed her eyes. Every time Roxy breathed, her stomach moved ever-so-slightly and pushed against the back of June’s head. She suppressed a giggle and sighed, happily.

“Thanks for coming out with me, Rox,” June said, quietly.

“Oh, sure, babe. You know I’m all about that spending time together shit!” She laughed.

June felt Roxy’s hand in her hair, then down to her neck, brushing lightly against it. She shivered slightly and made a small, approving noise without meaning to.

“How’s your, uh, therapy thing going?” Roxy asked, continuing to play with June’s hair.

“It’s so much to learn about! But… I feel like it’s really helping me understand more about my own experiences. I… uh… have my first chance to talk to an actual other  _ person _ now!”

Roxy put her hand to June’s cheek and squeezed slightly. “That’s great, babe! Can you talk about that or is that a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality or some shit?”

June smiled. “Oh… I don’t know. I guess I’m not a doctor, but… I guess I shouldn’t talk about the details. But right now no one’s really told me anything. Karkat asked for help on some relationship thing and he’s coming in later this week.”

“Oh noooo! Are he and Dave break–”

“Actually,” June interrupted, “I think he wants to propose.”

Roxy’s hand went from June’s cheek to her mouth as she stifled a laugh. “He wants to human-marry Dave… oh my god that’s the most adorable thing ever.”

“I  _ think _ ,” June stressed. “I don’t know for sure and he gets super vague when he starts talking about emotional stuff.”

“I’m proud of you.”

June felt her face turning very,  _ very _ red. Roxy’s hand went back to her cheek and stroked softly, brushing down to her neck again.

“Seriously,” Roxy said, “it’s… it’s not what I expected, to be honest. You were having such a hard time with… well, it seemed like with everything. And then it was like everything clicked into place all at once and you just said  _ fuck it, I’ma live my life, bitches. _ ”

June opened her eyes and stared out across the hills, taking in the scenery and smiling as Roxy’s hand continued to trace soft lines along the sensitive skin of her neck. The wind was picking up a little, but the day was still pleasantly warm even with the breeze.

I could probably stay here forever and be pretty okay with this.   
  
Is that…

June gestured toward the sky, at a point of light that was rapidly growing.

“A shooting star?”

The point of light grew and grew, finally resolving into a smudged dot on the horizon. Larger still, it became something that was recognizable as an actual object… a winged craft with a figure strapped to the bottom.

“No shit!” Roxy exclaimed. “Is that her?”

June could feel her heart skipping up as she struggled to make the figure out. She had no real reason to think it could be anyone else, but something inside her told her she needed to be  _ sure  _ first.

In truth, it was obvious long before the distant figure got anywhere close to them.

Terezi Pyrope was back.

* * *

She must’ve seen the brightly-colored blanket, because Terezi set her DroneMaster down not far from where June and Roxy were sitting. June stood on the blanket and waited, holding Roxy’s hand. She wanted to give Terezi whatever time and space she needed to collect herself.

Which was apparently not necessary, because Terezi came  _ running _ over the hill and, before anyone could say anything, threw herself at Roxy and June and had them wrapped up in a hug.

“Oh shit I missed you, June. And Roxy too, I guess.”

“We… missed you too,” June responded. “Could you maybe… let up a little bit?”

“Oh, shit!” Terezi released them from the tight hug and stepped back, grinning – all teeth and sparkling red eyes.

She looks… different.

Older? Was that the right word? Not really. She looked tired, certainly. Like she’d been running on fumes for the better part of the last few months. But there was something else behind those eyes. She looked happy to be reunited with her friends, but there was a deep, fundamental sadness back there.

A look of worry crossed Terezi’s face. “How long has it been? Since I was last here?”

“Well,” June said, “it’s been seven months since the party. So, assuming you didn’t sneak back since then…”

Terezi let out a heavy sigh. “Shit. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She narrowed her eyes. “For not being here sooner. For going away for so long.”

“That’s ridiculous,” June shook her head. “You’ve been looking for Vriska. I know how much she means to you.”

Terezi didn’t respond, and for a moment it seemed like her entire  _ being _ got smaller – that she compacted down into the smallest possible space she could occupy. Her face fell.

“Vriska… Vriska’s dead, June.”

“What?!”

“I mean…” Terezi sounded like she was trying to gather her thoughts on the fly. “I don’t  _ know _ for sure but… I know. She’s not out there anymore. And oh god do I miss her… but I missed you all too.”

She looked like she was about to cry – June stepped forward and put her arms around Terezi’s shoulders, drawing her in close. Terezi let herself be pulled into the hug.

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” June said quietly. “You don’t have to apologize and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Terezi let out the breath she was apparently holding and put her own arms up around June’s shoulders. She let out a single, shaking sob that turned into what almost sounded like a laugh.

“I’m so fucking  _ tired _ , June…”

June patted Terezi’s back, trying her best to be comforting because she honestly had no idea what to say.


	6. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And I Was So Tired

This is probably a bad idea.   
  
Definitely a bad idea.   
  
Oh this is such a bad fucking idea.   
  
This is what we’re doing.

Terezi willed herself to step forward and knock twice on Jade’s door. Jade lived in a house a fair distance from New Can Town – almost halfway to New Alternia. The outside was neatly kept, with a series of gardens and greenhouses, and there were several adjacent buildings that hinted at labs and workshops for Jade’s various projects.

She’s not answering. Probably not home. Time to go.

Because that was what people did when they were all good and had no issues whatsoever. But Jade had said she would stay with Terezi, and she was going to hold the woman literally to her word. Like any good Legislacerator, Terezi had a certain head for legalistic justifications.

Oh please, you just want to be close to her because you’re getting a big ol’ crush.   
  
Did you really just say “big ol’ crush” like you’re June or something? God, Pyrope – get your shit together!

So maybe that was harder to explain away. But… it wasn’t like she wanted anything specific out of it. Just kind of felt like being near Jade Harley for a little bit. Was there anything  _ wrong _ with that?

Definitely time to go.

The door cracked open, and Jade’s face was staring at her out of the opening. She could  _ smell _ the giant grin she had – could feel the happiness radiating off of her.

Well that plan’s out the window.

“Hi, Jade!” Terezi grinned back. “So… I was wondering if…”

“Come in!” Jade practically yelled it out before Terezi could even finish her sentence. “Come inside – it’s kinda messy but I mean it doesn’t smell bad or anything so you should be okay. I’ll clear out a space for you to sit down and we can catch up or just talk about whatever!”

Terezi found herself being bustled inside. She could sense the clutter of the room – and Jade was right that it didn’t bother her. Not having to deal with how things  _ looked _ , Terezi’s own decorative tastes ran toward the cluttered and chaotic. It was more about creating an interesting set of sensations.

And Jade’s house wasn’t exactly lacking in that department. She had a lot of plants – Terezi could smell the greenery everywhere. The inside of the house was fairly humid and warm – presumably for the plants – but it didn’t feel unpleasant. Instead, it was kind of like stepping inside a pleasantly tropical greenhouse. The furniture was, from the sense of the colors and shapes, horrendously mismatched.

She has to have done that on purpose.

It wasn’t like Earth-C came with furniture, so Jade must’ve alchemized it specifically like that. Terezi imagined she found some comfort in the familiarly eclectic style. Probably the same reason that she had scattered various small projects all over the house. Pieces of computer hardware, a bag of potting soil, and… was that a stripped-down rifle sitting on an oily newspaper on a coffee table?

“Sorry sorry sorry,” Jade was prattling on. “It’s so messy – oh no – it smells, doesn’t it? It smells bad!”

Terezi took a long breath in – the earthy aroma of the plants mixed in with the slightly dusty smell of old reference books and counters that didn’t get cleaned very much. The furniture gave off a pleasantly nutty aroma and… yes, that was definitely a rifle on the table. Terezi could smell the slightly sweet aroma of the gun oil. She took it all in – green and brown and hints of color here and there. It smelled like…

“It’s fine. I actually like it,” Terezi smiled at Jade, whose whole posture relaxed as soon as she heard those words.

“Oh thank god! Well… sit down and I’ll make you some tea! If you want tea, of course!”

“That’s fine,” Terezi walked slowly over to a couch made of a brown leather and sat down. She sank practically halfway down into the soft cushions. She could hear Jade walking into the kitchen, preparing the tea. Could smell the stove coming on – the slightly-burnt smell of something stuck to the heating element that fried as it came up to temperature.

This is… actually kinda nice.

She let herself relax into the couch and get carried away into the smells and sounds of Jade’s house. Terezi enjoyed the haphazard, slightly chaotic feeling of the place. It was peaceful… but also…

Full?

Full of life and energy. She’d spent so much time out in the blasted void of what was left of Paradox Space. The cries of the HorrorTerrors as they listed towards oblivion. The silent roar of the black hole that consumed everything. The lonely songs of the remaining dream bubbles, populated by scared ghosts who knew that it was only a matter of time before they too were destroyed.

But here was warm, and comfortable, and smelled nice, and…

* * *

...Terezi could feel herself being shaken awake. Jade was sitting on the couch next to her, the cushions’ natural give sending her sliding into Terezi’s side. Terezi could feel Jade’s dress brushing up against her and… she felt herself blushing.

Smooth, Pyrope. Just… fall asleep on your friend’s couch.

“Are you okay, Terezi?” Jade was asking. “I’m sorry, I was only gone for a minute and when I came back you were snoring. I didn’t want to wake you.”

Terezi yawned and stretched upwards, hearing her back pop as she did it. “How long was I out for?”

Part of her brain was still so used to the time differential between here and Paradox Space that hearing something like  _ oh just three months _ wouldn’t be entirely unexpected.

“Just maybe twenty minutes. The tea’s still warm if you want some now.”

Jade got up and returned with two mugs of black tea. Terezi could smell the aroma – slightly spiced – she wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but it smelled delicious. She gratefully accepted one of the mugs and Jade sat down next to her again.

“Uh… if you don’t mind?” Jade asked, her voice… well, there was a kind of nervous anticipation in it that Terezi thought sounded a lot like  _ longing _ .

“It’s fine, Jade.” She could feel Jade doing the whole  _ relaxing _ thing again and… yes, her heart was definitely beating a little bit faster.

The two women sat in silence and sipped their respective drinks for a few minutes.

“Do you… want to talk about what happened in space?” Jade asked, softly.

Terezi felt herself take a surprisingly sharp breath. She held it, then let it out slowly. Breathe. Calm.

“I… ah… no, not really. Not right now.” She told herself to count down from ten… breathe.

And felt a surprisingly soft hand on her arm.

“It’s okay,” Jade said. “If you want to talk, I’m here. If you want to talk to someone else, they’re there. If you just want to sit like this, that’s fine too.”

Terezi leaned forward and set her cup of tea down on a nearby coffee table – the same one with the rifle on it, apparently. Then she leaned back, tucked her legs up on the couch, and leaned her head against Jade’s shoulder. Jade was tall – it worked surprisingly well.

“Do you mind?” Terezi asked. She felt Jade shake her head.

Heart beating quicker. Both of their hearts.

Yeah, funny how that works. Just… just a normal thing that you definitely experience every day. Completely meaningless, really.

Terezi closed her eyes. She supposed it was more of a habit than anything else, but she was also still so tired. And this felt good. Jade was soft and warm and smelled nice. She put a hand around Terezi’s waist and Terezi leaned into her, letting her head fall down into Jade’s long tangle of black hair.

I could stay like this forever, probably.

  
  
  
  


You’re not betraying her, you know.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s fine.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Just

  
  
  
  
  


Go

  
  
  
  
  
  


To

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sleeeeeeeep


	7. (Kanaya Maryam) Well-Versed in Diplomacy

While Kanaya missed the long summer days as the season marched on towards winter and the nights grew ever longer, she found much to enjoy in the increased hours of darkness as well. Despite the mild climate of Carapacia, Rose had alchemized a fireplace as part of their study’s decor and enchanted it to burn without requiring the addition of logs or the use of natural gas. She had done such a good job, in fact, that it both looked and smelled exactly like a wood fire.

Kanaya hadn’t been especially familiar with the idea of a decorative fire – such a thing was uncommon on Alternia – but she absolutely fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. The whole thing was fabulous! It smelled nice and cast such a pleasant, warm glow around the room. She especially loved how it made Rose look – the warm light making her skin glow a rich umber and highlighting her sparkling, violet eyes.

You are indeed staring, Kanaya. You have become quite fascinated and are now staring.

Of course she was staring. Her wife was beautiful. And there were no laws of conduct or manners or anything else that suggested that staring at your beautiful wife was in any way a bad thing. In fact, Kanaya was quite sure that such a thing was often encouraged.

She smiled. Rose didn’t see the smile, because Rose was sitting in her recliner by the fire and reading quietly. She delicately touched a finger to her lips, wetting it slightly to turn a stubborn page. Kanaya swallowed and put a hand to her own lips.

Oh Kanaya, you are thinking some very indelicate thoughts right now!

It was true, of course. She had some very specific ideas about Rose LaLonde’s lips and what could be done with those. Or her own. Or various combinations of the two. Rose, freshly out of the shower ten minutes ago. Rose, wearing a pair of pajamas that was almost painfully thin. Rose, who…

...Kanaya’s phone buzzed in the pocket of her own pajamas.

Oh this is entirely too much right now! I cannot believe I forgot to turn it off!

She retrieved the damnable nuisance from her pocket and checked the notification – a pesterMessage from Jade was hovering on the screen.

Kanaya realized that she would need to work on the human sarcasm some more, as it was apparently not something that “landed” particularly well in all cases. In particular, the text-based styles of communication seemed to lend themselves especially to misreading the tone.

Oh well. We are already doing this thing, I suppose. What is the harm in it?

Jade was a remarkably sweet woman, and one who Kanaya quite enjoyed the company of. However, she could also be, at times, maddeningly frustrating to talk to when she danced around a particular issue.

Just ask if it’s okay to have a sleepover with Terezi already!

It wasn’t wise to anticipate what the other person was going to ask. Let them bring the issue to you –  _ encourage _ but don’t force things.

Kanaya put her free hand to her face, massaging her forehead and closing her eyes tightly.

Yes this was absolutely worth being pulled away from my previous musings. That is the human sarcasm at its most pointed, by the way.

Kanaya was willing to admit that this was a development that stirred no small degree of interest in her. While her days of facilitating the quadrants of her friends and associates in an increasingly-complex manner were theoretically behind her, she supposed there was still that desire to be able to help negotiate the often perilous waters of interpersonal relationships.

After all, what were friends for if not to stop you from dashing yourself on the rocks of heartbreak?

Maybe my metaphors need some work.

Kanaya glanced up at Rose. Her wife was still sitting there, engrossed in her book. Still pleasantly illuminated by the fire. Still beautiful.

Kanaya sighed heavily and closed her eyes. On one hand, she wanted to help Jade on this particular journey of self-discovery. On the other hand, she really just wanted to head over and curl up in Rose’s lap, regardless of the mechanics of how they would make that work in the recliner. It had happened before, although Kanaya seemed to recall that it had rapidly ended with them both on the floor and something very different than curling up happening.

This time, Kanaya made sure that her phone was set to silent. She put the device away in her pocket and looked back up at Rose, who now had her face within inches of the page. She must’ve reached a particularly exciting part in the book.

She was going to wait until Rose finished that section and took her nose out of the book, and then she was going to walk over and kiss her. Whatever happened after that was up in the air, but it would not include involving herself in other people’s personal lives for the time being!

Even the most seasoned auspistices deserve a break sometimes!


	8. (Jade Harley) I Don’t Know What I Feel!

Jade let Terezi sleep for another hour and a half. She let herself drift back – tried to take a short nap herself. It didn’t work. Every time she started to relax, she would remember the feeling of Terezi’s head propped against her or feeling a horn brush against her cheek and suddenly her heart would start picking up the pace because that was, apparently, what hearts did.

It was… nice. And honestly, Jade wasn’t sure if it was because she had a crush on Terezi or just because she appreciated Terezi’s company and didn’t have to feel so lonely. Sure, she got to see everyone and hang out – but it felt like everyone else had found their place on Earth-C and she was just kind of puttering around. Of course that wasn’t true – as the only space player with her full powers, she’d done tons to help build and improve various elements of Earth-C’s various societies.

But it all felt a little bit… empty. Like she was just kind of doing what came naturally with her powers and not really innovating or creating anything meaningful. At the end of the day, she came home to her house and her various hobbies and felt like she was just killing time. Maybe something was missing.

Maybe she  _ did _ have a crush. Maybe she needed… someone to love?

The feeling didn’t sit quite right with her. Something felt off about it in a way that was very hard to define.

Kinda getting ahead of myself anyway.

First things first, she might want to actually ask where Terezi was planning to stay. The whole “sleepover” idea was pretty much predicated on her actually agreeing to stick around!

She shook Terezi softly and the troll mumbled and opened her eyes.

“Oh… oh shit,” she said, unceremoniously. “Shit I didn’t mean to!”

Jade laughed. “It’s fine! You were tired!”

Terezi groaned, sitting up on the edge of the soft couch. “No kidding… I feel like I haven’t slept in years.”

“So,” Jade said, trying to broach the subject as easily as possible. “I was thinking… if you don’t have anywhere to stay now that you’re back… would you… uh…”

Jade could feel her cheeks getting red and hoped desperately that Terezi wouldn’t notice with her super-smell or something.

“Would you like to maybe stay with me for a little bit. Like a sleepover!” Jade finished with a grin that felt very forced. She was about to panic…

And then she saw Terezi’s sharp-toothed grin – the troll’s face lit up and she cackled in that way she always did.

“Harley? You want me to hang out with you! Oooh, we can talk about  _ boys _ !”

I didn’t think she was much of a fan of boys, actually.   
  
Oh shit, she’s joking. God why am I so bad at this?!

Terezi’s face softened – Jade guessed she sensed the embarrassment that she was feeling. Jade’s face fell.

“I’m kidding with you, Jade. Sure, I can stay over with you. I don’t… ah… I don’t actually have any clothes or anything.”

Jade’s smile came back and it felt a lot more easy and genuine this time. “That’s fine! I think you’ll probably fit my clothes… uh… sort of. You’ll definitely fit  _ into _ them at least! And I can alchemize stuff like a toothbrush and all that, no problem!”

* * *

Jade had scattered her roleplaying game supplies all over the only clear table she had, right in the middle of the kitchen. It was small and a bit cramped, but she didn’t mind being closer to Terezi.

“Jade, I know how tabletop RPGs work! I know it’s not the same as a FLARP,” Terezi was playing with the dice, feeling the sides to read the numbers, and… smiling. That was good.

“I know, but you just called it a FLARP!”

She stuck her tongue out. “I’m just using the terms I’m familiar with. Don’t be culturally insensitive, Harley!”

Jade felt herself tense up.

“Don’t worry, Jade, I’m just shitting you.” As if she was able to  _ sense _ how Jade was feeling. That was something she found a little bit unnerving. It was as if she couldn’t hide how she was feeling from Terezi.

And why would you be worrying about that, Jade? What’ve you got to hide, hmmm?

“Okay, sorry. Well, my character is Silverbark, a level 5 druid.”

Terezi squinted and wrinkled her nose. “What’s a druid?”

“Uh…” Jade shrugged. “Kinda like a witch, I guess. Like a witch that’s really into plants and stuff.”

Terezi smelled the air. “So basically  _ you _ ?”

Jade felt her face flushing.

Please god let her not be able to tell this is happening.

If Terezi could tell Jade was blushing, she wasn’t giving it away.

“Okay, so I can make my character a legislacerator? She has a sword and a dragon.”

“Yeah, I guess we can work with that,” Jade started rolling the dice and writing notes in the book that she’d set out on the table. Terezi was leaning over, paying careful attention to what Jade was doing. Jade still didn’t fully understand how the troll was able to sense so much while being completely blind, but it often seemed like Terezi  _ saw _ better than anyone who actually had their sight.

Oh god she can probably hear my heart!

Which wouldn’t matter, except that Jade found herself getting a bit fluttery in there. Terezi was pretty close to her. And Terezi was… actually quite pretty. Maybe not in the elegant, Kanaya-like sense of the word but in a more down-to-Earth way.

Why do I just kind of want to be close to her? Should I want to do more or something?

Feelings were such a pain in the ass! Jade wasn’t even sure what she was supposed to  _ do _ with any of this. Talk about it? Just kind of enjoy it? Despite Kanaya’s advice, she had an almost paralyzing fear of  _ making it weird _ .

* * *

The game had gone well enough. Terezi knew what she was doing, and the adventures of Silverbark the Druid and Redglare the Legislacerator had gotten off to a promising start. After they decided they’d hit a good stopping point for the night, they ended up sitting on the couch together. Jade wasn’t sure exactly how they’d made that decision, but she wasn’t objecting.

“Hey, Jade,” Terezi said. “How do you… how do you live out here like this?”

“What do you mean? I just kind of…  _ do _ , I guess.”

Terezi sighed. “You know… I mean how do you live out here by yourself all the time and not feel lonely? I thought I could do that too and that I’d be okay out there in Paradox Space but… I kinda felt like I was losing my damn mind. I guess I didn’t really think that much about it until I came back to see June and then I was talking to you.”

Oh. Shit.

“I get lonely too,” Jade replied. “I go visit the others all the time or else I feel like I’m just kind of sitting out here by myself and sometimes… sometimes that hurts.”

Jade wasn’t sure why, but she felt guarded. As if she was at risk of revealing a little bit too much about how she felt. She didn’t remember ever having really talked to Terezi like this before.

“I miss her,” Terezi said softly. Jade looked over and saw tears in the troll’s eyes. “I miss Vriska. I feel like we never really got to talk enough about how we felt. But now… I’m feeling like she’s probably dead or gone for good. I guess I’m not quite ready to accept that yet. But I… I feel like I’m starting to get there.”

“I… I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I can definitely listen if you want to talk. I’m glad you’re hanging out with me. I like you a lot, Terezi. I wish we’d spent more time together before!” Jade smiled.

“Thanks for having me over here, Jade. I feel… I feel less lonely when I’m here with you.”

Terezi leaned over and Jade realized that Terezi’s hand was on her thigh. Jade felt herself holding her breath.

She’s so… close.

Terezi was leaning toward her face, and Jade realized that her lips were slightly pursed. Jade leaned in and closed her eyes, her mouth slightly open. Because this was definitely not a real thing that was happening.

A second later, Jade felt the warm pressure of Terezi’s lips against hers. And a second later, the pressure was gone and Terezi was sitting back against the couch. But that was definitely something that had just happened.

Oh. Shit.


	9. (June Egbert) Auspistice-in-Training

June’s head rested against Roxy’s stomach as June absentmindedly scrolled through her phone. The Carapacian equivalent of what pestTwitter had once been was… well, it was an interesting experience. Between the strange filtered version of human culture and literal references to her and her friends, June often had a hard time following exactly what was going on and yet found it highly entertaining.

_ Ping. _

June saw the message notification pop onto the screen – Jade.

June didn’t realize she was making a face and a loud-ish  _ hmmm _ sound until she heard Roxy’s voice from just behind her. She felt her girlfriend leaning forward, looking down at her.

“You okay, babe? You sound like you’re contemplating some deep existential truths.” She gave a short laugh that made June think she was being maybe not completely serious.

“Honestly…” June hesitated. She wasn’t sure that this necessarily counted as  _ private _ information. “So can you keep this between me and you, please?”

Roxy narrowed her eyes. “Is this gonna be weird shit? Cause if it’s weird shit I don’t wanna know.”

It was June’s turn to laugh. “No, it’s not weird shit… uh… I don’t think.”

June screwed up her face and looked down at her phone. “I think Jade’s going through some stuff right now. Like, emotional stuff. She told me that Terezi is staying over at her place – I guess they’re doing a sleepover.”

“Okay,” Roxy said, her tone measured. “That doesn’t  _ sound _ like weird shit.”

“I guess they ended up kissing each other on the couch,” June added, her voice noticeably lower.

“The hell? Way to bury the lead, June! Shit!” She didn’t sound  _ upset _ so much as… highly energetic?

“I think they only kissed the once and then just kind of… went on with their evening? Jade wasn’t super clear.”

Roxy sounded like she was trying desperately to suppress a giggle – it wasn’t particularly successful. June wasn’t sure if she would go so far as to  _ laugh _ at what her sister was currently going through, but it did feel pretty low-stakes compared to the literal life-or-death situations they’d been in so many times.

Careful, June – they could say the same for everything you’ve been through.

_ Ping. _

“Jade again?” Roxy asked – June looked down at the phone and shook her head.

“No… it’s Terezi!”

“I feel completely unqualified to do this,” June said. Roxy reached down and placed a hand on her arm, rubbing softly.

“Babe, it’s okay. They’re just asking a friend for advice.”

“I know, but like… I’m not some kind of Doctor-Professor who can fix everyone’s problems!”

“Shh,” Roxy said, squeezing the arm and planting a kiss on the top of June’s head. “No one expects you to fix anything – they just need to talk this through. I get the feeling this is all real new to Jade…” June nodded. “...and Terezi is… well, Terezi.”

“I think she’s actually more worried about hurting Jade’s feelings somehow than anything. It’s… actually really sweet.”

Roxy let out a  _ d’aww _ . “That’s adorable. They should get married and have a hundred babies.”

“I don’t…”

“I’m kidding, June. I don’t know what’s going on in their heads. You know Terezi… not better than anyone, but definitely better than anyone who’s still here. What’s your take on it? Seriously.”

_ Better than anyone who’s still here. _ That stung a little bit because June knew that was probably a big part of things.

“When Terezi talked to me the night of the party, she sounded so… I want to say  _ down _ but that seems so shallow. She sounded like she didn’t have any hope left. She put so much into finding Vriska and got nothing. And she was lonely and she wanted to come back home but… I don’t think she sees this place as home at all. I don’t think she feels like she belongs.”

A  _ hmm _ from Roxy, but she didn’t interrupt, so June continued.

“She didn’t say anything about Jade at all to me, but I guess she’s maybe feeling something for her and…” June paused to think. “It’s hurting her because she probably feels like she’s betraying Vriska or Vriska’s memory or whatever.”

“Wow,” Roxy said as June finished. “That’s actually pretty deep, June. Have you considered… I dunno, maybe telling her this?” It was a bit sarcastic, but it didn’t feel mean-spirited when she said it.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

June looked up from her phone and craned her head back, seeing Roxy waggling her eyebrows.

“Sooo… how’d it go?” she asked, smiling.

“I… I don’t think I made things worse!” June exclaimed, her voice full of an optimism she didn’t entirely feel that she’d earned.

Roxy’s smile broadened and she leaned forward awkwardly and kissed June on the lips.

“You see,” she said, “nothing bad happened!”

It was true enough, but somehow June didn’t think it was going to be that simple.


	10. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And She Understood Me

Terezi came back from the bathroom after about a half hour – a half hour she wasn’t planning to mention had included a couple text exchanges with June and a considerable amount of thinking on her part.

Jade was still sitting on the couch – Terezi could smell the nervous sweat coming off of her. The “sweat” part wasn’t wholly unappealing, but the “nervous” part was worrying. Terezi didn’t want Jade to feel uncomfortable, because this was going to turn into an awkward enough conversation already.

She knows how I feel… sort of. I think. I just need to talk to her.

“Hey,” Terezi said. It was good to open with your strongest argument. Every good prosecutor knew that. “Can I… sit down?”

She felt the faint change in the air pressure as Jade nodded, so Terezi walked over and sat down next to Jade, delicately arranging herself so the couch didn’t dump her directly into Jade’s lap. That felt… a bit presumptuous at the moment.

“So… about what happened…” Terezi wasn’t exactly sure what had happened. I mean, of course she  _ knew _ what had happened. They had kissed each other for all of, like, three seconds. Big deal! It wasn’t like this was the first time either of them had kissed someone.

I don’t know, maybe she hasn’t.

“It’s okay, Terezi. It’s fine.” Jade seemed to be searching for the words. “It was… nice.” Terezi could feel Jade’s cheeks flushing – her heart beating faster – the slightly-acrid smell of the sweat intensified.

And Terezi felt a hollow pit of nervousness in her stomach. Because she didn’t  _ want _ to make Jade nervous. Because she liked Jade, and Jade was the kind of person who took this kind of stuff in a deeply and painfully  _ personal _ way.

Terezi didn’t want to hurt Jade.

What would Vriska think about all of this?

She didn’t  _ know _ what Vriska would think about all of this, because Vriksa had disappeared off the face of both of the universes. If she was even in the position to be doing any thinking these days, Terezi seriously doubted that those thoughts included her.

In any case, Terezi knew her thoughts were getting ahead of herself – ahead of the fact that she hadn’t bothered to say anything and was just sitting there in silence for fifteen seconds that felt like ten minutes!

“It was nice.” Terezi almost started cursing – because the one time where she really needed to be on-point she was devolving into a stupid wiggler with a stupid wiggler brain.

But she sensed Jade smiling at her, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Terezi smiled back.

“I wasn’t trying to freak you out, Jade. Seriously.”

Jade shook her head. “It’s fine. I guess… this is something that’s really new to me and I guess I got a little bit nervous. I think I  _ like _ you Terezi, but this is new to me. And shit, I know that sounds like a little kid thing to say but I don’t know exactly how to put it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I don’t know!” Jade was starting to sound frustrated. “I wanted to kiss you. You didn’t make me do anything – but I’m not exactly sure  _ why _ I wanted to. I like spending time with you, I think you’re cute, but I’m not sure how to quantify all this.”

Terezi felt her own cheeks get the slightest bit hot at  _ I think you’re cute _ .

“Yeah, well, I’m…”

Moment of truth.

How honest was she going to be with Jade? Was she going to just unload everything all at once and risk alienating the woman completely, or was she going to be vague and useless and not tell her anything of substance? Those were only the two poles on a vast and varied spectrum.

“I’m not sure how I feel either.” Honesty.

“I’ve just been in Paradox Space for so long and I’m so lonely… and… I guess I don’t want to feel that way anymore.” Honesty.

“So I like you too, Jade. I like being around you and you’re easy to get along with and I’m not exactly sure why I feel nervous about this.” Honesty… mostly – the Vriska baggage felt like a conversation for another time and place.

Jade drew in a breath and held it. When she breathed out again, Terezi could tell that she was less tense. Her heart rate had slowed ever-so-slightly. She was still blushing.

“Okay,” Jade said, “so what’re we gonna do? Just pretend that never happened? I don’t mind just acting like we just did a little experiment and it wasn’t successful and now we’re just gonna hang out together for a while. That’s fine!” She wasn’t lying – not… exactly. She sounded a little bit  _ disappointed _ with the possibility.

Second moment of truth.

“You wanna do it again?” Oh wow – Terezi felt her neck getting tight. She felt extremely, uncomfortably warm all over.

Why the fuck did I just say that?! Way to fucking go!

Jade was scarlet. She was also holding her breath and Terezi could sense… she was looking everywhere but at Terezi. But then… she let out her breath and looked at Terezi. Terezi could feel her eyes scanning – Jade closed her eyes.

“Yes, actually.”

This time, it was Jade who leaned in first.

* * *

They had just kissed. More than once, this time, and for longer, but still nothing beyond that. Clothes remained on and after a while they ended up holding each other. Jade was considerably taller than Terezi, and being wrapped up in her arms felt… nice. It felt safe.

Just like Vriska.

But that was a thought that Terezi was going to push away, because… because honestly Jade wasn’t that much like Vriska. And maybe, in some ways – in a lot of ways – that was a good thing. Because Terezi had loved Vriska, and Terezi was almost certain that Vriska was dead. But not completely certain. And that was hurting inside in a way that was difficult to put into words.

“Jade…” Terezi could feel the gentle rise and fall of Jade’s chest as she breathed. She didn’t want to have this part of the conversation. “Can I tell you something?”

“Uh, sure.” Jade sounded a little bit nervous. Terezi took a deep breath and steeled herself. She really didn’t want to have this part of the conversation.

“I keep thinking about Vriska…”

Great start.

“I mean… I keep wondering if I did everything I could to find her. If I understood enough about Paradox Space. If I maybe… missed something.”

Terezi closed her eyes – she could feel the burning tears pooling.

“I actually  _ do _ like you. I think you’re someone I could… ugh…”

Don’t say it, you’re gonna freak her out. Don’t say it!

“I think you’re someone I could maybe fall in love with.”

Terezi heard Jade let out a little  _ eep _ and fall silent. And her heart was hammering away again. But she wasn’t running and that was a good sign. Terezi laughed nervously.

“I mean… just in theory! I don’t know why I said that! Ignore me!” She took a deep, steadying breath. “But I feel like if I just give up now I’m going to always be pining for someone that’s probably dead. Or I’ll feel guilty. And I’ve already felt so guilty about so much in my life.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jade asked, her voice low and hesitant. “I mean, what should I do with this?”

“I’d like to go out there – one last time. And… give me… two months. Two months of your time. I don’t know if that’ll be a minute or a week or a goddamn year over there. But tell me as soon as two months passes and I’ll come back. Forever. If I can’t find anything else… I’ll… I’ll just accept that she’s gone.”

“What if you  _ do _ find her?”

Terezi hadn’t seriously considered that possibility. In her mind, Vriska was almost certainly dead.

“Uh… shit.” Terezi had been stopped dead in the middle of her train of thought. “I guess I’ll come back anyway and we’ll figure it out. We never really talked about details. I will say that Alternian culture isn’t really big on the whole only-have-one-partner thing, so I think… I think we can make it work if you’re okay with that.”

Oh please be okay with that.

Jade paused, smiled, and wrapped her arms around Terezi and squeezed, leaning in to fold the troll up in her embrace. Terezi felt Jade’s soft cheek brush into the base of one of her horns and let out a little involuntary  _ squeak _ of her own.

“Okay, Terezi,” Jade said softly. “I know how it feels to constantly second-guess things. How important it is to have closure. Go back and look for her. If you want me to give you two months, that’s what I’ll do. We can still talk while you’re gone, right?”

Terezi buried her face in Jade’s elbow and spoke in a now-muffled voice. “Yes, dumbass.” She laughed to show Jade she wasn’t being mean and felt a squeeze as the embrace got momentarily tighter.

“Please be safe.”

She didn’t say anything else – just held Terezi in her arms for a while longer.


	11. (Jade Harley) A Linear Sequence of Events

It had only been two days, and Jade already missed Terezi. She was still trying to sort through her own feelings for the troll. It had felt nice, what they did together. At the same time, Jade felt like… like maybe holding and kissing and being close to Terezi was enough.

What if she wants more than that?

Jade wasn’t sure what to make of it. Terezi didn’t seem like she was going to be pushy, but Jade had exactly no experience when it came to… well, to anything.

She was too embarrassed to tell Terezi, but that kiss on the couch had been her first. And it had been something. Actually, Jade wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It had certainly felt wonderful, but she also felt a kind of apprehension. Because she felt fine with the kissing part, but there were other things she felt less fine with. Things that folks expected.

Terezi was sweet though.

Can’t believe I thought those words in sequence together.

It was true though. She was… eccentric… maybe a little bit  _ gross _ sometimes, but she could also be remarkably considerate. Despite her rough edges, Terezi didn’t make Jade feel unsafe.

_ I think you’re someone I could maybe fall in love with. _

Yes, those were definitely real words that Jade’s ears had heard said to her.

Her phone vibrated.

* * *

It was a week into Terezi leaving to head back to Paradox Space. Already it felt like life was just going to be dragging on and Jade felt like her thoughts and feelings had been placed into a holding pattern. Of course she had things on her mind. Not just Terezi-related things… but a lot of them  _ were _ Terezi-related.

It felt wrong to try to talk this all out while Terezi was in another universe entirely via extremely time-delayed messages.

But still, she could always check in. I mean… what did this all mean? Was she  _ dating _ Terezi Pyrope now? Were they  _ an item? _

Jade felt herself blushing because those were silly questions for silly people. They’d kissed on the couch twice. Okay, a few more times than twice. And said some very pointedly couple-ish things to each other.

That was what couples did, right? Jade wasn’t honestly sure, but it all sounded right enough.

The message wasn’t read. Jade waited for a few minutes – then for an hour – then until the morning. According to pesterMessage, Terezi never saw her message. And she never responded.

Jade folded into herself on the couch – the couch where she’d shared her first kiss with the funny troll that she was starting to really,  _ really  _ like a lot. She folded into herself, hugged her legs up against her body, and started to sob.

* * *

It had been a full month since Terezi had left, and Jade was fairly sure she wasn’t going to be coming back. Whatever had happened out in Paradox Space – she wasn’t sure if she’d ever get to know that. From Terezi’s last message to her, it sounded like everything had basically collapsed.

So wherever Vriska was, that was probably where Terezi was too. At least they’d be able to see each other again, if that was how it even worked. Despite her experiences literally dying and coming back to life, Jade had no clue when it came to how the black hole was affecting Paradox Space. Whether it was some kind gateway to another universe or simply crushing everything down into a density that not even light could escape from. At least it probably wasn’t a painful way to die.

Jade hadn’t left the house much in the past few weeks. She’d been over to see Rose and Kanaya once or twice, but it hurt to see them happy together but having to show that they were also very worried and sad about Terezi. June was trying to help too, but honestly Jade just didn’t feel like talking to anyone – not even her little sister.

She was on the couch again – the couch that was taking on so much weighted meaning in her life – when the phone in her pocket buzzed to life.

Jade’s entire body relaxed at once and she sunk into the couch. She didn’t have the words for the amount of relief she felt to know that Terezi was still alive.

* * *

Jade’s stomach was a constant pit of nervous bile – she was worried that something  _ was _ going to happen to Terezi. Because no matter what Terezi said, Jade knew that Paradox Space was getting ready to eat itself alive, and if that happened then she wasn’t putting good odds on Terezi making it back again. Jade was running herself ragged thinking of the possibilities – of all the various horrible ways that things could go utterly and completely wrong.

And exactly what is the plan when Terezi gets back?

That was an extremely open-ended question – Jade honestly wasn’t sure. She wanted to do a lot of things – to talk about how she was feeling. To maybe actually spend some proper time together where they were doing something other than talk about how lonely they both were. After all, what good was being together if they were just going to be lonely together?

Jade supposed they could just do normal things that everyone who was deciding if they wanted to be in a relationship did – they could…

What do couples DO?!

Being raised on an island by a magical dog certainly hadn’t given Jade a healthy background in interpersonal relationships. She’d certainly gotten better since she had time on Earth-C to settle into the idea of actually interacting with people in person, but the idea of  _ dating _ someone still felt awkward and a little bit uncomfortable.

It was still hard to articulate how she felt about Terezi, even with a month and a half to stew over it. The most Jade could come up with was that she:

1-Wanted to spend time with Terezi.   
2-Wanted to kiss Terezi.

And that was about the size of it. A two-item list that remained painfully vague and incomprehensive.

Jade settled back into the couch that was quickly becoming one of her favorite places to sit and sighed happily. She held the phone to her chest as if she was hugging Terezi and smiled to herself – and her heart felt like it skipped a beat.

* * *


	12. (Kanaya Maryam) For What It’s Worth…

“Please hold still – you are almost as bad as your sister when it comes to matters of patience.” Kanaya was attempting in vain to pin a part of a short summer dress up – a task that would be substantially easier if Jade would stop moving around nervously every few seconds.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said, biting her lip. “I’m just really, really nervous. What if she doesn’t like it?”

Kanaya sighed. Jade had asked her to make this dress in anticipation of Terezi’s return as soon as she heard the troll was on her way back from Paradox Space. The fact that Jade wasn’t sure exactly how long that would take – their estimates varied from a day to something inside of a week – didn’t seem to be helping her  _ not _ act jittery with anticipation.

“In matters of the heart I find that the specifics are often less important than the generalities,” Kanaya said.

“Huh?”

Kanaya sighed again. “I mean that she will love it.”

Pin, pin, pin.

“And please for the love of your human god, please stop moving around so much before I accidentally stab you!”

Jade stiffened up. “Sorry. I’m just nervous.”

“You had mentioned that before. What precisely is it that makes you nervous – aside from your concerns about the dress I am endeavoring to adjust to your constantly-moving form?”

Jade really was trying her best to stay still – Kanaya was sure of it – but the woman just kept  _ shifting _ every time she talked!

“I’ve got a lot of stuff I’m not sure about,” Jade said, her voice low – embarrassed. “Like… how I feel about physical stuff. And how I feel about this whole relationship thing in general. Is it… enough that I just feel like I want to spend time being around her?”

Another two pins – thankfully that train of thought seemed to have taken Jade’s nervous movement down a notch. Kanaya smiled at her, warm and understanding.

“I will admit that uncertainty is often a part of forming and maintaining relationships as a whole,” she said, reaching out with a hand to steady Jade as she adjusted a part of the dress. “When Rose and I were first starting our own relationship, there was much uncertainty. Of course this was due in a large part to the highly unusual circumstances under which we met – but also it is an inherent part of all relationships. In whatever capacity you like or love or lust after Terezi, that is something that you and she can discuss until you are both sufficiently comfortable with the arrangement.”

Jade was blushing. “I don’t know about the  _ lust after _ part – I’m pretty fine with just kissing and stuff for now.”

Kanaya shrugged, “It makes no difference to me – your desires are your own, Jade Harley. Although I will admit that your mild embarrassment does cause me a small amount of mirth – you are very much like your sister in that regard.” She smiled, her fangs poking out a little on the bottom.

“Yeah, except she’s got this stuff figured out! Look at her and Roxy – they’re so sweet and cute together!”

“Certainly,” Kanaya said, bending down to check a measurement. “But do not forget that it was not that long ago that June had convinced herself that Roxy had broken up with her.”

“Oh yeah…” Jade trailed off and looked lost in thought. “Right before she realized she was  _ June _ she was convinced they’d broken up… and I’m not even sure that actually happened.”

“It is unclear. The point remains that one cannot look at the relationships of others and use that as a measuring-device for how you feel and how your own relationships progress.”

Kanaya had her needle and thread in hand and quickly began to sew along the lines she’d pinned up, her practiced, dexterous fingers moving almost too quickly to track. Simple adjustments and the material was forgiving – it wouldn’t be as difficult as June’s dress had been, thankfully. The Harleybert siblings were fast becoming her best, and only, clients!

“If you look at Rose and I, or June and Roxy, or Dave and Karkat… those are all different situations with different dynamics. You may certainly ask for advice, but I would caution you against trying to pattern yourself too much after others. What you and Terezi are building here is unique to you and Terezi.”

“I know,” Jade said, her mouth screwing up into a frown. “I know it’s not the same, but I don’t have anything else to go on. I spent my entire life on an island with a dog and a dead grandpa, then I ended up wrapped up in something that… just fundamentally altered my view of the universe. I never had a chance to figure out how I felt about boys or girls or other people and… I guess parts of me are thinking I want this kind of thing and parts of me are wondering what the big deal is. So I’m not sure how to reconcile one part with the other part.”

She let out a long, ragged  _ urgh _ and flapped her hands. “Feelings are stupid! I mean… not really. But y’know…”

“I do understand your meaning, Jade,” Kanaya said, her work on the adjustments nearly complete. “It is often difficult to understand ourselves. This is a condition that both humans and Alternians share, I have found.”

With shockingly prescient timing, Kanaya’s phone began to vibrate.

“It seems you will be able to put my always-excellent advice into practice sooner rather than later,” Kanaya said with a broad smile.


	13. (June Egbert) As A Witness, Nothing More!

“I don’t want to intrude, Terezi – I can go back home if you want,” June had shown Terezi the park she mentioned before and then Terezi had asked her to stick around.

Which was fine – June considered Terezi to be a good friend and didn’t mind helping her – but she really didn’t want to edge in on whatever was going to happen between Terezi and Jade.

“No, please,” Terezi sounded… worried. “I… I just want this to go well!”

June reached out and put her hand on her friend’s shoulder, smiling. “I’m sure it’ll go fine. Jade missed you so much.”

Terezi’s cheeks went deep teal. “I mean… I know… she said some stuff that made that pretty clear.”

“So you’ll be fine!” June beamed. “What do you think is gonna happen?”

Terezi shrugged and bit her bottom lip. “No idea, but I feel better having you here in case I make a complete ass of myself. At least then I’ll have an audience.” She laughed.

June could tell that she was trying to play off the nervousness using humor – she was wise to such tactics, having had considerable experience in the realm of jokes and japes and whatnot. But this was something she wanted very much to see go right – Jade was her sister and Terezi was a good friend. Neither of them were people she wanted to see hurt.

There was a  _ pop _ , a change in air pressure, and June turned to see Jade standing there in a dress that was obviously Kanaya’s handiwork.

She made it red… because of course she did.

June couldn’t help herself – she was grinning and making a soft  _ Eeeeee _ noise under her breath. She turned back to Terezi…

The troll was standing there with her mouth hanging open. If June didn’t know better, she would’ve sworn that she saw Terezi’s mouth watering. Terezi’s arms were hanging at her sides and… she looked completely unable to process what she was experiencing.

Jade walked closer, swinging her arms in a way that suggested she wasn’t entirely used to wearing the sleeveless design Kanaya had gone with.

Terezi was muttering something low that June couldn’t quite make out – she swore she heard the word “delicious” used at least once, but she wasn’t blessed with Terezi’s supernaturally good hearing.

Jade was close enough to reach out and hold Terezi’s hands, which is exactly what she did. June saw her sister blushing and turning her face away, as if Terezi wasn’t able to simply feel how she was reacting.

I really feel like I shouldn’t be here. This feels private.

Terezi and Jade embraced – Jade leaned over Terezi and drew the troll into her arms. They both looked like they were crying.

I shouldn’t be here.

June smiled at them and walked away, careful not to disturb Jade and Terezi. When June turned around a bend and finally lost sight of them, they were still holding each other – leaning over, talking quietly.


	14. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And Maybe We Could Make This Work

Jade’s normal attire was pleasant, but it had a kind of bland feel to it – subdued smells and tastes that registered as pleasant but unremarkable. It was comforting. Terezi felt like she was safe whenever she was with Jade.

This.

This was something different.

As Terezi walked into the park where she’d agreed to meet Jade, she could  _ smell  _ the color coming off her.

Red.

Terezi knew Kanaya made the dress – could tell by the way the light felt coming off of it that it was her handiwork. The way the lines felt – vague in a way that was hard to describe to those with sight… but also somehow clear and distinct in a way that she’d never experienced before losing her vision.

“Oh my god she smells fucking delicious.” She hoped it was low enough that June couldn’t hear, because it was a surprisingly indecent thought she was having. Jade was absolutely beautiful – and she was walking closer. She seemed nervous but also… happy.

Before she knew it, Terezi felt herself wrapped up in an embrace that felt almost desperate. Jade bent over, pressing her forehead between Terezi’s horns and kissing her on the forehead. Terezi closed her eyes and let herself fall into Jade. She’d… put on perfume? Something faint and nice and probably borrowed that tickled Terezi’s nose in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. And the sensation of the red dress – Kanaya knew exactly what she was doing when she picked the combination of color and light fabric.

Whatever it was made of was light but ever-so-slightly rough to the touch. Terezi felt a little tingle when it brushed up against her skin – a little miniature electric current that she felt all over. She shivered.

“I missed you,” Jade was saying softly. She was mostly talking into Terezi’s hair, but the words were clear enough. “I’m so sorry.”

Terezi felt a pang in her gut. Because she felt her own failure deep inside – she knew it was something that would weigh on her for a long time. Possibly forever.

I wonder how long I’m going to live.

A strange thought that came unbidden and disappeared just as randomly, swept away in the wave of sensation that was hugging Jade Harley. Terezi let out a small noise that was half-sigh and half-whimper – she felt Jade pull her in closer.

“I missed you too,” she said. Her own voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else – but her other senses kept pulling her back. Centering her. Keeping her coherent.

“You’re beautiful, by the way.” Terezi was just… saying these things out loud. Literally the second thing she said to Jade when she was back.

“I’m happy you’re back,” Jade said. And she pulled back a little – held Terezi in her arms, and leaned toward her. “Can I?”

Terezi laughed. “I thought you’d never ask!” Soft lips on soft lips and she tasted everything that she’d found so appealing about Jade before. There was something earthy about the taste – but in a way that made Terezi think of new life and spring. It was pleasant – it was safe.

It tasted…

Kind of like home.

It didn’t last forever. When the kiss ended, Terezi felt her own face flushing. Why? Why was she still acting flustered like a little wiggler by all this? It’s not like this was her first time with any of this stuff!

Doesn’t matter – I’m here now.

She leaned back in and wrapped her arms tightly around Jade’s waist.

“So… about the date thing?”

* * *

Sometimes, a little time passes.

* * *

Sometimes, almost none at all.

* * *

Sometimes, a little longer… and things are moving along so much faster. The pace of life accelerates when you’re busy and things are going well.

* * *

So much faster… so before you’re even aware, time has passed and you’re in something you’re not quite sure how to define. Something that makes you happy, but also a little bit worried.

Maybe if things move fast enough – if you tell yourself that it’s okay enough. If you start to lose sight of how you feel.

Maybe that’s when things start to go badly.


	15. (Jade Harley) This Won’t End Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This chapter contains implied nudity, non-explicit consensual foreplay, and implied consensual sex. It also contains some descriptions of sex repulsion.
> 
> If you find any of these subjects triggering or are uncomfortable with them in any way, please consider skipping this chapter.

Jade got back in the evening to the home she had shared with Terezi for the last few months. Some redecorating had occurred – a lot more color in a variety of contrasting and Terezi-approved shades. It was mostly chalk anyway – it would wash off.

She’d come home so many times to Terezi in the last three months, but this time her heart was absolutely hammering in her chest. She felt like she could barely breathe as she walked in the door to her home. She couldn’t believe what she’d said in the chat.

Yes! I mean sex!

And yes, she was going to do this! She was committed to it! Something she’d never done before – never even really thought about very much. Something that seemed maybe a little scary at times – but something that also had a kind of exciting allure to it. Exciting, but also fucking terrifying!

Yes… FUCKING terrifying… very good choice of words.

She walked into the house and saw her standing there, kind of… gawking. Terezi was… well, she was wearing what she always wore. The same t-shirt and Crocs. And she wasn’t wearing pants because she almost never wore pants if she could help it. A pair of very basic underwear sat around her hips. And Jade smiled, because she really had fallen in love with this woman.

“Hey,” she said, hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt.

Terezi grinned. “Hey, yourself, Harley!”

Jade finished walking into the room – specifically, she finished walking the rest of the way to Terezi and put her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. It was still weird to think of Terezi as her girlfriend, but that was the right word.

Right?

Jade supposed that she didn’t quite get the “sparks flying” thing happening. She loved spending time with Terezi. Loved hanging out with her. Loved going places with her. Loved touching and kissing her.

But… wasn’t there supposed to be something  _ else? _ Some kind of… Jade didn’t know…  _ magic? _

She leaned in and kissed Terezi on the forehead – that had become something of their “thing” lately. Jade felt Terezi’s hands on her own, guiding them down her waist.

“If you don’t mind,” Terezi said quietly.

And her hands were on Terezi’s butt! Oh god! This was a thing that was happening! Jade’s cheeks felt like they were on fire!

“Breathe,” Terezi said quietly. “It’s okay. If you get uncomfortable then we stop.”

“Okay,” her breath felt too hot in her mouth. She swallowed that feeling down. Touching Terezi like this… it felt weird. She was enjoying it but at the same time…

She was worrying too much. She squeezed lightly with her hands.

“You can do more than that if you want,” Terezi said. Jade gave it a try and Terezi’s breath hitched up a little with a gasp.

“I’m not used to this,” Jade said. “I’ve never done any of this stuff before. I just… I want to try it out.”

“The panties are optional,” Terezi whispered into her ear. Oh yeah, her face was definitely still on fire here. Very much on fire. So goddamn warm in this house. Whose idea was that?!

But she gave it a try – Jade slipped her hands under the panties and rode them down just a bit. Terezi’s bare skin felt almost cool to the touch – something she’d noticed in general. The skin was tougher than that of a human but still so soft – it was like extremely supple leather.

Terezi rocked her hips forward, coming closer to Jade. “Are you doing okay?”

Jade nodded, hoping the way she was holding herself wasn’t going to give away just how nervous she was. This still felt… so weird. Touching Terezi was nice – that felt good. It also felt… off. Or maybe not the touching itself but the expectations… Jade wasn’t sure. She wanted to see how it felt though – to see where this led.

“Do I… take my clothes off too?” She asked. She realized too late – after the words had already left her mouth – that maybe that was a silly thing to ask.

“If you want. That’s really up to you. Honestly I can work with this either way.”

Jade let go of Terezi for a moment and stepped back. This was all new to her.

Not the being naked part. That was fine – she got naked all the time. To take showers and get dressed and stuff. She knew what she looked like without clothes on.

But Terezi didn’t, so to speak. The most Terezi had seen… er…  _ sensed _ was her in her underwear. Not even that – just in the t-shirt and pajama pants she wore around the house.

Face still on fire, check. Stomach still full of angry butterflies, check! All systems go!

Jade struggled to keep her breathing in line – to not start hyperventilating. Because this was the most nervous she’d ever been in… literally her whole life.

Oh god… what the hell… I can…

“You can back out whenever you want. You say stop or get uncomfortable and we’re good.”

Terezi reached out and took one of Jade’s hands.

“I’m not going to pressure you. This is… whatever you want it to be.”

Jade knocked the lump down her throat and nodded. She actually did want to see what this was like. Everyone built it up like this was the greatest thing ever imagined by anyone, ever. It was supposed to be amazing, so… just push past the nervousness and see!

Jade carefully lifted up the robes she typically wore and neatly set them to the side. So now Terezi was right there and Jade was wearing just underwear. And that was something. Definitely something. Definitely happening.

“Do you mind?” Terezi asked, starting to lift her own shirt.

“I mean… it only seems fair!” And actually, she was excited to see what Terezi looked like naked.

Oooh, that’s a hell of a thought.

But also, just… to see her. To see the woman she loved in a new way. To appreciate her beauty. Maybe that was enough.

And Terezi was naked. The shirt was off and the panties were… Jade wasn’t sure where the hell they’d gotten to! But the troll standing in front of her was absolutely not wearing clothes. Jade looked her up and down, tracing the contours of Terezi’s body with her eyes.

Holy shit she’s cute! She’s gorgeous!

A thought which apparently manifested itself as a nervous  _ Heehee _ of giggling that made Terezi smile.

“Is that a giggle of approval?” Terezi asked, smirking.

“Yes,” Jade said. “So… uh… do you want me to take the rest of this off too?”

Terezi pretended to think for a minute. “I mean, I experience things a little differently without sight, but I will admit I’m at least intellectually curious what it’s like to… what you’re like naked.”

Jade felt like she was specifically avoiding using words like  _ taste _ on purpose. And maybe… maybe Jade appreciated that right now. This was already pretty nerve-wracking.

Two or three motions and she was naked as well, standing in front of the equally naked Terezi Pyrope. Jade wasn’t even sure what to do next. She could…  _ feel _ Terezi examining her.

“You’re beautiful.” It was such a surprisingly simple statement, and Jade felt her whole body growing warm immediately after. It was embarrassing – but it also felt more than a little bit wonderful.

She moved back to hold Terezi around the waist again – this time separated by considerably less fabric. She leaned in and kissed Terezi’s forehead again, then bent in to kiss her girlfriend on the lips.

“Okay, so… uh… what next?”

Terezi winked. “That’s pretty much up to you.”

Okay… okay… gonna give this a try… gonna…

* * *

It had felt pretty good, actually. Not what she expected – not the mind-blowingly different experience that some of her friends had maybe led her to believe it would be.

But Terezi had been sweet and kind and understanding and patient. And when Jade had eventually called it an early night, Terezi had stopped right away. And they got dressed again and Terezi held her for a while. And then Terezi had fallen asleep.

Jade, however, had not. She had, in fact, sat there and stared at the ceiling for three hours.

Why did I do that?

She had been curious to try it out. She had tried it out.

Why does it feel like this?

Like what? Like she was taken advantage of?

No, Terezi was so sweet. I couldn’t have asked for a better first time…

Except?

Except I didn’t LIKE it. It felt weird and kinda…

Off?

Sort of.

Gross?

A little bit. Just like… I don’t know… like it wasn’t worth it.

Jade wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it. She slowly moved Terezi’s arm off of her stomach and rolled out of the bed. Without making a sound, Jade wandered back into the house, toward the greenhouse that she kept. The greenhouse was dimly lit by strings of lights that Terezi had hung up for Jade – they were originally Christmas lights and the multi-colored bulbs threw a colorful symphony of soft light onto the plants below.

Why did it feel like that?

Again, like what?

Like… like a chore I didn’t want to do. Like I was working.

Didn’t it feel  _ good _ though? Didn’t like how she looked and how it felt to touch her?

Sure, I guess. I mean, I really liked everything up until…

Up until she and Terezi had actually started having sex. Because that was when it just started to feel like she was… she didn’t know, exactly. It felt weird and it didn’t have the same excitement that kissing, or hugging, or even touching Terezi in some pretty intimate ways did. It was like she crossed some boundary and…

I just didn’t like it anymore.

But she’d tried her best to push through that feeling. Except it just felt worse… until eventually she just asked Terezi if they could maybe not do this right now. And Terezi had stopped right away… because Terezi was wholesome and sweet.

And deserved better than this.

Am I broken?

Maybe. Maybe she  _ was _ broken. Maybe she just didn’t like the things that normal people did. Because she was raised alone on an island by a weird dog. Because she only socialized with people she knew online and then the world ended. Because she’d spent her time on the ship just kind of… alone.

Maybe all that combined just made her too different. Not quite fully human.

Terezi probably wants to do that stuff with someone.

It was only logical. After all, something wouldn’t be that big of a deal if people just kind of didn’t care. And maybe some people liked girls more, or boys more… or both… but everyone liked something.

Except broken people. Nobody liked them.

Jade saw down on the edge of a small stone wall that was in the greenhouse and she began to cry. Quietly, to herself, she let the small sobs out and the tears ran down her face.

She’d been wrong about Earth-C. She thought it was a place where she could finally belong. A place she could be happy and care about someone else.

That was silly, stupid, wishful thinking. Because she wasn’t like the others. She was supposed to be alone – wasn’t that the role of the space players? To be existentially isolated? Kanaya probably only escaped that fate by virtue of having never ascended to god tier. And that was fine.

Because if she stayed with Terezi, then Terezi was going to be hurting for a long time. And there was another way.

Jade walked back to the kitchen and retrieved a piece of paper and pen. Quietly, she wrote a note and placed it on the counter. She didn’t want to go back into the bedroom – didn’t want to see Terezi’s peacefully sleeping face. Because what she had to do was so hard already.

Jade retrieved the robes she’d put neatly aside before and slipped them back on. It felt like it had been forever since she removed them. Forever since…

Since before she realized how messed-up she’d really gotten. That was something she needed to consider. And only then could she ever hope to come back to the rest of them. Once she figured out how to live like a normal person!

With tears in her eyes, Jade summoned up her concentration and envisioned where she needed to go.

I’m so sorry, Terezi. You deserve so much better than me.

And with a soft rush of air as she teleported away, Jade Harley was gone into the night.


	16. (Terezi Pyrope) ...And All Was Still and Quiet

The letter was the only point of contact that Terezi had with the world of Earth-C anymore. The warped void of Paradox Space was perilously close to collapsing now, and even the inexplicable ability to communicate back to Earth-C had completely broken down.

She still had the letter. The one that didn’t make any sense. The one that stabbed at her every time she read it.

Terezi,   
  
I’m so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I’m just going to hurt you and keep hurting you if we stay together. I’ve been really happy with spending time with you and making our home together and I even had a lot of fun last night but…   
  
Something is wrong with me. I don’t know exactly what, but until I figure it out I shouldn’t be around other people. I think you should go and find someone that makes you happy! Find someone who can appreciate who you are!   
  
Find someone that’s not broken.   
  
I love you, Terezi. Maybe not like hearts and flowers but I love you all the same. I’ll miss you so much, but I need you to be happy! Please.   
  
-Jade   
  


And that was it. Jade had been gone when she woke up, leaving only the note behind. The note that was full of things that didn’t make sense and just made her feel more and more confused.

Had she pushed too far? Had she said or done something that Jade had just been too afraid to talk about? What had happened?

Jade didn’t respond to messages – didn’t answer the phone. No one knew where she’d gone. She just… vanished to somewhere on Earth-C.

Terezi had tried not to think about it, but the very trying was driving her to madness. For some reason, the thing she’d jumped to first was to try one last time to find Vriska. Maybe having that touchstone of normality would help bring things into perspective. Maybe she’d be able to…

I don’t think she’s out here... 

Floating in the void. Something _else_ was out there. Terezi didn’t know how she knew this, but it was something she could feel inside.

Hello?

Oh god no, that would be ridiculous! Do you have any idea how long you’ve been here for? 

Who are you?

It was a good guess, at least. Maybe off by a year or three… hundred. 

It felt like snippets of one side of a conversation that she wasn’t supposed to be hearing. Like something that danced inside of her mind and then went away.

Everything in Paradox Space went away. She hadn’t seen a single dream bubble this time – none of the Horrorterrors. Everything was gone except the ever-expanding event horizon of the black hole. And if she weren’t careful, that would be her fate too.

Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

But then she’d never get resolution. Never understand why Jade wrote that stupid fucking letter in the first place. Never find Vriska. Just… never do anything other than constantly fail!

She’d had a house… no, that wasn’t right. She’d just been sharing a house…

She’d had a _home_. A place to belong. For those few months she and Jade were together, she felt like she was complete. She’d stopped thinking about Vriska all the time – accepting that she was likely dead.

A place to call home. A person to call home. A life that she could see herself living.

Now it was all gone, and she didn’t even understand why.

Listen to me carefully, and don’t interrupt.  _  
_ I don’t know how much longer I can do this for.  _  
_ If there is an order to things, your being here any longer will disrupt it.  _  
_ Please… I can’t hold this any longer… if you care about any of them...  _  
_ Go back. Find your home. Wait. 

Wait for WHAT?!

It was her own mind playing tricks on her. After all, Paradox Space was about the collapse and that can’t be particularly good for the mind.

What the fuck?! What are you saying?! I’ve done some horrible things!

It wasn’t possible.

VRISKA?!

She can’t hear you…  _  
_ I don’t make the rules anymore…  _  
_ She’ll stay here forever… 

TH4T 1S NOT FUCK1NG H4PP3N1NG, YOU B4ST4RD!

Nothing was real out here. Nothing made sense. Because causality itself was collapsing around her. And once that broke down… nothing mattered. Literally.

Please… go home...

Terezi couldn’t find it in herself to cry anymore. She desperately wanted to, but it was beyond her. With a heart that felt like it was about to explode, she turned herself around… and for the last time she threaded the careful course back to Earth-C.

* * *

Terezi came back late in the afternoon, right as the Sun was starting to kiss the clouds a rich, golden orange – a delicious flavor under any circumstances, but on that day it tasted like ashes in her mouth. She flew in low, toward the house that June Egbert and Roxy LaLonde shared.

In times of distress, we often return to the familiar – to the comforting. We turn to those we feel closest to. We turn to our good friends who have been there to support us.

The ones that’re still left, anyway.

Vriska was gone.

Jade had left.

So with a heart that was near breaking, Terezi landed the DroneMaster on June and Roxy’s lawn and unstrapped herself, knowing that she would never again have a reason to return to Paradox Space – knowing that even if she wanted to, there wasn’t going to be a Paradox Space to return to.

June and Roxy and… Callie? They’d all run out of the house when they heard the DroneMaster landing. June ran up to Terezi first and she felt herself being gathered up in a warm hug. She could feel June’s wet cheeks on hers.

“Terezi! What the hell?! No one knew where you were! No one could get in touch with you!” She was shaking as she held Terezi in her arms. “I was so worried!”

Roxy and Callie were there, but they seemed unsure of what to do. After a few hurried greetings, Callie excused themselves and began to walk off – Roxy stepped back to give Terezi and June some space.

“I’m sorry,” Terezi said, feeling her own tears streaking her cheeks now. “Paradox Space is falling apart… is gone already? I don’t know. I couldn’t get in touch with anyone.”

“What happened?! You and Jade were together and then she disappears one day and then you go running back off into space. Then she comes back and builds that… oh shit, you wouldn’t know.”

Terezi’s forehead creased with lines of worry and confusion. “She’s back?”

“I mean, not anymore – she… look, it’s easier to show you.”

* * *

It wasn’t far away. June held her and flew so that they didn’t have to use to DroneMaster – Terezi wasn’t even sure if it’d hold up for one more flight anyway, and there was something so ignoble about the idea of dying in a drone crash after everything she’d been through.

They flew low over the treetops and Terezi could sense the flow of the colors and shapes of the countryside below as they went. She closed her eyes and let herself sette into being carried by June. It felt like she’d gone for a long time without even seeing another person, much less being held by one.

They passed over the rolling hills and finally June set her down at the edge of a small stand of woods. The trees smelled nice and the meadows that covered the hills rustled gently in the afternoon breeze. It was peaceful and it was beautiful.

And it made Terezi’s heart hurt, because she wanted more than anything to be able to share this with one of the women she cared so much about – and both of them were gone.

“How long was I gone for?” She asked quietly, turning back around to face June. “What’s been happening?”

She could sense June shrugging, hear her _hrmmm_ as she considered her response. “Honestly? It’s been… mostly you and Jade stuff. You’ve been gone for about four months. I guess Dave and Karkat are getting married next month. They sent you an invite but no one knew if you’d be back.”

“What?! They’re getting married and you didn’t lead with _that?!_ ”

“I mean, mostly we’ve been kinda worried about you and Jade. No one knew where you were and Jade… she flew up to someplace near New Alternia and refuses to talk to anyone. Like a Kermit or something.”

Terezi groaned. “I think the word is _hermit_.”

“Yeah, that!” June exclaimed. “But it’s been real weird and kinda awkward. She won’t even return my texts. She texted me once or twice just to say she was okay… but… I really don’t think she’s okay. I don’t think you are either.”

Terezi faltered – she was about to tell June that no, _she was fine, thank you!_ That it was no big deal being mysteriously dumped by your… ex? Is that what they were? No big thing. Just spend some time in space looking for your other… ex? Did it count when your relationship was terminated on account of a black hole consuming one of you?

Instead, she whimpered, grabbed onto June, and started sobbing.

“I’m not!” she bawled. “I’m not okay at all! I miss Jade and I miss Vriska! I don’t understand why everyone keeps leaving me like this! Is there something wrong with me?!”

June wrapped her arms around Terezi and pulled her in. “There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t think… I don’t think what happened with Jade has anything to do with you.”

“Why?” Terezi asked. “Why not? We had sex once and then just _coincidentally_ she ghosts me. What else could it be?”

“I should… I should show you this thing now.” June let go of Terezi. The troll wiped her eyes.

“What thing?”

June took Terezi’s hand and guided her – they were walking into the trees now, away from the meadow. The trees shaded everything, making the temperature pleasant and cool. It reminded Terezi of a significantly nicer version of the forest she’d grown up in. One that had fewer hostile creatures in it.

As they walked – and there was definitely a defined _path_ through the woods – Terezi began to sense shapes taking form.

It can’t be that… that makes no sense.

The colors and the sensation of the line – of the form. Everything was overwhelming all at once and it combined with a sense of overwhelming _unreality_.

There, in the forest, was her treehouse. No… not _her_ treehouse but a very precise replica of it. Made by someone who had taken great care to ensure that the details were right. With improvements obviously made to elements like structure – Terezi got the sense that this new treehouse could stand up considerably better to the ravages of time. But it felt so close… so incredibly similar.

“Jade made this,” June’s voice was barely above a whisper – she sounded like she was choking up and her eyes smelled wet. She sniffled. “She came back about a month ago and spent all day making this. She told me to show you to it when you came back and then she left again. I don’t understand what happened between the two of you but… I think it was more than maybe either of you realizes.”

Terezi was crying. She leaned up against June, taking in the shape of the treehouse – of the way everything worked together.

Leaving June to stand on the path, Terezi walked to the ladder that led up into the trees and started climbing. It was certainly sturdier than her old treehouse had been. It was made of some kind of alchemized wood that smelled… purple… like the trees of her old home. But this had a dense consistency to it that told her that this material would never rot or splinter with age. It had been well made.

Made by someone who cared about doing it right.

The ladder led to a landing which led to a door. Terezi put her hand on the door and pushed it open.

The inside of the treehouse felt like she’d been thrown back into a version of her old home where she’d been given a chance to grow up. There was a pile of cushions in the corner to sleep on and a desk in one corner with a laptop sitting on it. Along one wall sat a series of plush dragons, with a brilliant red one in the very center.

She picked up the red dragon plush and turned it over in her hands – feeling the stitches and drawing in the colors. It was almost a stitch-for-stitch replica of her old plush. She didn’t even know how Jade had managed this – it must have taken a phenomenal amount of work and effort.

This place… it felt just like…

It felt like somewhere she belonged. Felt like a space that no one else had claimed and that no one else could intrude on. Even if she was by herself right then, it still…

It felt just like home.

A shiver ran across Terezi’s body.

Go back. Find your home. Wait. 

On the desk, by the laptop, there was a piece of paper. Terezi picked it up, running it under her nose and touching the ink with the tip of her tongue. Jade’s handwriting.

Terezi,   
  
I’m so sorry for how I left you. I should’ve talked to you about how I was feeling but I was afraid. I’m still afraid. I don’t know how to describe it exactly.   
  
There’s stuff about myself I need to work on figuring out. I really think there’s something wrong with me. That I’m just… not like other people. And maybe that’s not a bad thing or whatever but right now it feels pretty goddamn bad.   
  
I feel broken and I feel alone… but there’s nothing anyone can do to help me with that, because it’s my problem.   
  
I know it won’t make up for how I ran out, but I made this house for you. I hoped to give you a place to finally call home. A place where you can be yourself – however you choose to be. I really hope you like it, because… it’s the least I can do.   
  
I don’t know how to explain it or why I feel like this, but it’s important that you have this place. It feels like it’ll matter soon. I don’t know how I know that. I don’t know why I know that. I feel like… like we each have our own struggles. And mine and yours…   
  
Maybe they’re not as different as I think. But I don’t KNOW and I can’t be sure. I can’t be around you because I can’t be around anyone right now.   
  
I miss you. I miss the time we spent together. And I have this feeling like that time is over. Maybe we’ll see each other again, but it’s not going to be the same as it was.   
  
And right now that just makes me feel really sad.   
  
Because I miss you Terezi.   
  
And in my own way, I love you. ****  
  
-Jade

Terezi set the letter down and the tears were back. She held the dragon plush close to her chest and walked back to the ladder. Carefully tucking the plush under her chin, Terezi slowly descended to the forest floor and walked back along the path, back to where June was standing.

“Did you like it? Jade said none of us were allowed inside but she didn’t say why.”

Terezi held up the dragon plush and tried to smile. “She did this for me. She wanted to apologize… and… I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I really hope that she’ll be okay.”

“You can’t make people talk to you,” June said. “Even if it would maybe help them a lot.”

“I know,” Terezi sighed. “I won’t say I understand because I really don’t but… I guess maybe I’ll get there eventually.”

Together, they walked back down the path and out of the woods, back to the grass-strewn rolling hills. The breeze was picking up even more, turning the gentle rustle into a symphony of whispers all along the hills.

Wait. 

“So what’re you going to do?” June asked. She was looking all around the countryside. “This is such a nice place to live. But are you going to be okay?”

“June… I’m going to be okay. I’m not okay right now, but I feel like maybe I can get there. I’ll keep in touch with you. Also… who knows about this place?”

“Just me right now. Jade was pretty insistent that I don’t tell anyone else. I think she wanted you to be able to have some privacy if you wanted it. Let you figure things out for yourself.”

“Thank you… please keep it a secret.” Terezi liked the idea of having somewhere to go that she could retreat to – of having a place where the world couldn’t find her if everything got to be a bit too much.

“You’re not gonna, like… just disappear again, are you?”

Terezi shook her head. “No. You’re my friends and I missed you. I don’t feel like isolating myself right now… not all the time, anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss Dave and Karkat’s wedding. It’ll either be incredibly sweet or an unmitigated disaster.”

“Maybe a bit of both,” June muttered, half to herself.

“Either way I’ll be entertained!” Terezi grinned. The grin faded quickly, but it had been genuine.

They stood in silence for a moment longer and then Terezi turned to June. She reached out and put her hands on June’s shoulders.

“June… thank you.”

“Why? I didn’t _do_ anything.”

Terezi leaned forward and held her arms around her friend, snuggling in close to her. “Stop it. You’re being supportive and helping me however you can. Don’t sell yourself short – you help people, June Egbert. It’s what you do.”

They both smiled at each other. This time Terezi’s smile lasted a bit longer before fading out.

“I friend-love you, June!” Terezi winked.

June gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “I friend-love you too, Terezi. I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

In a time that felt entirely too short, June was away – flying back to the house she shared with Roxy and, possibly, Callie. That was unclear – something to investigate at a later date.

Terezi turned and began to walk back into the woods, back to the treehouse.

Find your home. Wait. 

In the back of her mind, Terezi had the feeling that something was coming. Something was going to happen that would change things… and either things would get better or they wouldn’t. Because that was how it always was, because nothing was static forever.

Back in the treehouse, Terezi picked up Jade’s letter again and re-read it. It was laced with the same kind of cryptic feeling that was troubling her own mind ever since she’d last gone out to Paradox Space. As if something were bleeding through. Something that felt important. Something that felt like it was getting closer by the day.

But in the meantime, Terezi knew that at the very least she had a space where she could live. Not just in the mechanical, physical sense of the word, but in the sense that it gave her somewhere to explore who she really was.

Beginnings. Endings. Beginnings.Everything was a cycle and nothing was ever truly fixed.

Terezi put the letter down, squeezed the red dragon plush, and walked over to the cushion pile in the corner. She flopped down on her back, the cushions giving way with a soft rush of air as they settled up around her. She held the plush close to her chest, closed her eyes.

And Terezi smiled – if only a little bit.

“Thanks, Jade. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and comments - I will respond to most comments!
> 
> Check me out on Twitter: twitter.com/AltUniverseWash  
> Tumblr: transkanayamaryam.tumblr.com


End file.
